Iam Ian

This is me… Who are you? Do Tell!


Work – Is it an addiction?

I’ve finished work a while back on the Narnia movie again. I was initially on for a month, which is where I wrote the previous post, then off for a month, then back on for 2.5 weeks and now yet again I’ve not worked for a few weeks. Since I finished up I’ve been thinking about

Book Stands for the Movie

Book Stands for the Movie

this crazy life of mine and how it flies in the face of the Western method of work, whether it’s valid or irresponsible of me, if I’m burning my bridges for my future or if maybe I may actually have something here.

When I finished I knew I had to do the whole readjust again back into the mental head-space of just hanging out doing my thing again. It’s very easy to plug into work, as once I’m on a Job there is a first morning where I get up and head off to another first day and from then on it’s routine. The longer I work in that one place the more ingrained the routine becomes and the more comfortable it all is. That is until the routine becomes boredom. Then another type of stress starts where I question my existence and waste of life in that environment and yet again I have to leave to find myself.

That is very much the way it is for most of the permanent work that I’ve done and the great advantage of working contract is that normally I can stick it out long enough until the project is complete which hopefully isn’t too long and then I get the change that I need. So film work often suits me well in this regard.

Finishing and readjusting to no work is not as easy as compared to starting as I don’t have the distractions that work gives me from what I call the “Void” or “Nothing”. However there are two ways to approach this.

  1. Get another Job is what everyone asks and expects. In a lot of ways that is the easiest option. But for me after all these years of doing the variations on this lifestyle I know that it will go the way that I’ve outlined above. Normally six months and I’m a spent force, bored and ready to move on. It even tends to manifest in physical disturbances in my body brought on by the low but permanent levels of stress.
  2. Embrace the Void. Now it’s not exactly Nothing. It’s not as though I wake up sit down and do nothing until I go back to sleep that night as I have my personal projects and day to day order to keep functioning so there is a whole range of activities and a constant supply of new and interesting opportunities turning up daily to keep me active. However compared to the 40 hour week, 48 week year work model it appears to be a void that requires filling.

The challenges with embracing the Void is that there is no order projected onto the future, no planning and no surety. It’s very much living in the moment and taking the opportunities as they arrive on a moment by moment time frame. That flies in the face of the Western model of how to get things done. I’m supposed to have lists, goals, plans for what I want to achieve and a step by step approach to achieving them. I’ve read the books on goal setting and that’s the way they say to achieve what your after. Sure that’s the model and if you have a specific goal that is what you do to achieve it, I get that.

But what if you haven’t the goal at the moment?

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SocietyFast 1.2 Illusions

Seven days I’ve been doing what I can not to buy into the societal expectations that are out there that sometimes cause me to beat myself up.

You know, things like, by this time in my life I should have X amount of property and Y sort of career with specific goals and pathways towards the future… All that sort of stuff. Well as I said I’ve been doing what I can to just stay present and make my daily life as much of a meditation as I can. I admit, I don’t feel that I’m very good at keeping the noise quiet but as Eckart Tolle infers “just doing any of it and every moment that is present is more and better than doing the usual mind chatter”.

So, I feel good. Life hasn’t changed in any huge ways but I’m more settled than I was lastillusions week and despite the fact that financially things haven’t changed I’m not stressed about it. In this moment all is pretty damn okay.

So I’m just going to continue doing what I’m doing. Not buying into what is expected and staying as calm an meditative as I can. Practice, practice, practice.

During the week I was talking to a good friend, Brett, who reminded me about ourĀ  favourite book and the opening passage from it which I’m going to retype here as an exercise in reminding myself of the importance of these words and consider that ultimately this is the only valid way that I can live my life. With thanks to Richard Bach from Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.

  1. There was a Master come unto the earth, born in the holy land of Indiana, rased in the mystical hills east of Fort Wayne.
  2. The Master learned of this world in the public schools of Indiana, and as he grew, in his trade as a mechanic of automobiles.
  3. But the Master had learnings from other lands and other schools, from other lives that he had lived. He Remembered these, and remembering became wise and strong, so that others saw his strength and came to him for counsel. (more…)